In the 12 weeks of January, I've been invited to at least 3 weddings and I'm beginning to think there is a “last to marry na idiot” announcement that I am not aware of because why are you guys running to marry Biko?
If you made it into 2024 with your partner then a hearty cheers to you, you no know wetin God done do for you wallahi! Many people suffered heart breaks in 2023 and it was quite devastating to witness. However, as a people, we are known to bounce back like nothing happened. This isn't the case all the time as some take longer to recover. There's the shock of losing a person you thought you would spend forever with and it is even more painful if they hurt you in the process of leaving, that is double heartbreak. It stings! But we move!
Those who entered into 2024 with their partners are now on a race to marry before the year ends. It's like they know something the rest of us don't. Then there are ebb e celebrities who got married/engaged and the whole country had a jaw-dropping reaction because we all somehow hoped they would marry us cries in *Kunle Remi & Moses Bliss*
The dating pool is a very strange place to be in right now especially if you are fresh out of a relationship or haven't been dating in a while. It's like a market with millions of people but very few options.
Chapter 1: The Ghosting Chronicles - A Vanishing Act in Three Acts
Picture this: You're texting someone, and just like the NEPA light, they vanish into thin air. Ghosting has evolved into an art form, a mysterious dance of disappearing acts. Our protagonist, let's call him Jide (because it has to be a Yoruba man), became a Ghosting Maestro, Can he be traced? No! He plays a constant game of “Now you see me, Now you don't”
Chapter 2: The Friendzone Ambassadors - A Diplomatic Heartbreak
If there's anything I strongly detest in this life, it has to be sitting on the fence. Oh! I hate it like I hate the devil.
Leave me alone, no!
Date me, No!
What do you want my brother????????
It's crazy to see the level of inability to makeup up ones mind that people display nowadays. You're good enough to be the blossom friend and companion but not the wife or husband?
Why? Did they send you from my village?
They won't stop bothering you about the people they like and the people that want them, they will never let you go or be with someone else and they always block other prospective partners from reaching you because people assume you're dating them.
Today, put your hand on your head and say “oh lord, remove every blocker of my future partner in Jesus name”
Chapter 3: Netflix & Chill - Prescribed Culinary Romance for Easy Heartbreak
Amidst the aroma of spicy food and good Nollywood movie lies the doom that awaits your fragile heart. Kai! I strongly detest this as well.
Mostly the male gender benefit from this because they usually do not have good intentions behind the invite. You're like a ram going to the slaughter.
After that might, they'll add you to the friend zone list and that's it. Many rarely make it out alive and in complete health because ‘boy o boy’ you are gurantedd your money back if you don't cry a river. In fact your tears will flow from Nigeria and find its way to Justin timberlake’s bathtub while he showers.
Chapter 4: Pillow Talk - Whispers of Tears
Lol MTN you do this one.
You see that late-night calling thing, ah! It will show you there! You better disembark now that you have your sleep cycle intact. Not only will your sleep be ruined but your mental health and overall well-being will see nocturnal shege. The lies are sweeter at night and they penetrate the soul. Why are you people talking at night instead of pulling down strongholds? A word is enough for the wise. Go and sleep.
Chapter 5: Bae-cation - Emotional Support Human
Love knows no traffic jam, and will take you whereever it is going. So will Abuja men telling you to travel with them. You'll enjoy gifts and trips only to come back to receiving drip - Cause of Hospitalization; Heartbreak.
Oh and this is if you even make it back alive because if it turns out the man was married and hid it from you….you will need Jesus to bail you out physically and spiritually.
It's not all bad you know, some people went through all these phases and came out together and a couple. I think they should write books on how they overcame
And so, dear reader, as we flip the pages of 2024’s love storybook, take it is easy, laugh, learn, and protect your heart. I pray the right type of love finds us all.
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