Birthdays are typically times when we get kind messages, cake, flowers, gifts, or even spend it with loved ones, family friends or significant others. Date nights, lunch, birthday dinners are some of the activities that we look forward to...but what happens when birthdays come and you feel depressed, sad, alone, left out and blanked. What causes this? How do you cope? How do you explain the exact feeling? Are there triggers? Do you know what they are?
As someone who's faced the birthday blues for most of my adult life , I am intrigued by it. I wonder why am i so excited as the day approaches, only to feel downcast, empty and alone. In a world where mental health issues are increasingly becoming a thing of concern I often wonder, do birthday blues count as mental health issues?
On the 20th of March, I celebrated my birthday and the days building up to that day were days of reflection and thanksgiving. For me, that was a coping mechanism to fight off what seemed like a pending doom. Did it work? Somehow... I felt happy and lighter. I thought long and hard on the things I was grateful for and you know what they say "when you go looking for something, you'll find it" so I did find things I was grateful for and still am.
I opened a WhatsApp group and added some friends who I mandated with the task of throwing me a surprise birthday. Lol, yes you read that right. That's how far I was willing to go to make sure I didn't have any birthday blues. Lol... on the 20th, I had the worse birthday blues. It came accompanied with suicidal thoughts and a strong overwhelming feeling. I prayed, cried, and then my friend showed up with cake and all was forgotten... or maybe.
In my opinion, birthday blues come from unfinished goals, unmet expectations, childhood trauma, unsatisfaction, etc. It's like imposter syndrome, you don't feel worthy or deserving and you don't see the heights you've attained or things you've achieved. You start to ask yourself questions like shouldn't I have accomplished more by now? You start to check your list of goals and the timeline you've given yourself. Unmet expectations is another vehicle that wheels in the blues. You look at people and feel sad seeing as they didn't meet up to your expectations. Especially if you're one who'd go all out for people and desire to see them do same for you. Childhood trauma is a whole topic I'd have to take time out to write on because.... hmmmm it's a lot to unpack and the effects are deep, devastating and lingering.
Do you experience birthday blues? In what form do they come? Share with me in the comments.
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